Healing

So I've been thinking about the word "healing" a lot lately. I've recently come face to face with some childhood issues that never healed because I buried the memories and forgot them. I am only beginning to understand all the ways it has negatively affected my life.

I made the decision to follow Jesus when I was 12, after the issues had ended, but by that point I had buried and forgotten what had happened. Now as an adult, I've found myself questioning why God hasn't healed me. Why wouldn't he heal me rather than allow what happened to affect me in so many ways. After all, how can I be effective in my witness to other people when relating with people causes me so much fear and anxiety? And then I struggle with feelings that I have failed Christ and how He must be so ashamed with me for not having overcome all that has held me back.

But I have been reminded that God is a patient, kind, and loving God. Slow to anger, abounding in love.  I don't think I can begin to understand how much compassion He really has for me.

So then - why no healing? I am reminded of the Kutless lyrics, "Even if the healing doesn't come and life falls apart and dreams are still undone. You are God, You are good, forever faithful One. Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come."

I think perhaps the point isn't that we are healed and then can serve Him. I think the point is we serve Him in our brokenness, when we are still in need of healing, living in faith that the healing will one day come, even if it's not in this life. To not give up and become discouraged by our wounds, but to press on.